GRAND OPENING

Welcome to StabbyMart! Welcome to the future. The entire reason I opened this store was to offer rage and vitriol at rock bottom prices. You see, due to my sweatshop located in in the ghettos of this arctic wasteland, my job and the five beautiful but ultimately frustrating women I live with, I can offer an abundance of products that are basically free.

Taint Punches? Well my good lady, those can be found in aisle three.

Canadian Ball Traps? Well sir, those would be found in our extensive Outdoors section.

Duadenum Removers? Ah, my friend, an excellent choice. Aisle sixteen.

Rectal Reamers? We are currently running a sale on those items, they can be found in our lavish Gardening Centre

Fetapults? I'm sorry Timmy, we'll have to special order those for you.

Check back daily/weekly/monthly/whenever I fucking feel like it, for our latest in store specials that will meet all your ass-kicking, stabbing, maiming, vivisecting, choking, murdering and all around pain inducing needs. Be on the lookout for our Manager's Specials wherein you too can experience the magic of StabbyMart.

StabbyMart: You're not in prison, but we'll shiv you like you were.