Saturday, November 21, 2009

A Prologue

Tomorrow I'm going to be making a blog post that is extremely long, pretentious and probably a little self indulgent. It's not  earth shattering, it's not going to cure cancer and it's certainley not going to rid the world of Stephanie Meyer; but it may change your life.

See, I'm a pretty hardcore foodie. I love food. I adore food. If I had my druthers, I would spend most of my time in a kitchen making food. Hell, that's what I did for six years. The problem with that was that I didn't get to sit down and enjoy it with the people I love. I love it so much I hosted Christmas for both families last year on consecutive days and, even though it killed me, I revelled in every minute of it. There is nothing I enjoy more than spending the day in front of the TV (shush, I'm food safe) preparing dinner in a leisurely fashion in anticipation of a terrific meal. Also,  if there is a break for nookie, so much the better.

I enjoy when people post status updates saying what they're eating and I enjoy telling people what I'm concocting. I've really gotten a lot of ideas from the facebook and have put them to good use.* So, since I'm making my family's favorite dish tomorrow, I'm going to share. I'm also doing it so Skitz doesn't tear off my duadenum and make a lovely jerky out of it. I'm sorry if I come across as an ass tomorrow, but I take my food seriously because I usually put a lot of effort, time and love into my creations. This particular recipe took me eight years to perfect and I'll be damned if you're going to fuck it up.

* MySharona absolutely kills me. I have a ridiculous fondness for southern, cajun and creole food and it seems that that's all she makes. I've asked her to marry me but polygamy is illegal in the U.S. and she refuses to move to Canada. Also, I'd like to try Skitz' Macho Nachos but in a totally non-sexual way.


  1. I love love love food. And preparing food. And watching people eat the food I've prepared. And eating it with them. So be as pretentious as you like...I'll still tune in!


  2. Who would have thought you could be more lovable? Sheesh. Tell your wife to get your locks changed.

  3. What perfect timing--I'm trying to figure out what to take to our office pot luck: I'm thinking jalapeno cheddar cornbread. Do you have a recipe to share?

  4. Unfortunately Ms. Curious, not this time. But I've been looking for an awesome cornbread recipe for some time and yours sounds devine. If you'd be willing to share, hit me on the facebook.

  5. A) You're a filthy cocktease. Coming from me, you know that can't be good.

    B) SO cannot wait to try whatever the hell it is you're whipping up.

  6. Wow, this is amusing, I was just coming on Facebook to gush about a new trash food concotion I just invented. I call it "The Texas Two-Step," and I think I'm going to submit it to This Is Why You're Fat tomorrow.

    The Texas Two-Step is a grilled cheese sammich made with Texas toast, four slices of processed American cheese, and a hearty handful of barbecue flavored potato chips. Served with a side of ranch dressing for dipping.

    Start by making your normal grilled cheese preparations, what with the buttering or greasing your bread, etc. Lay two of the cheese slices on the first piece of bread to go into the pan, then layer the potato chips on top. Use as many as you can, when the cheese starts to melt it kind of causes the chips to soften and come together. Lay the other two slices of cheese on the top of the chips, then finish the sandwich like normal.

    It's goopy, cheesy, and fattening, and the chips create this kind of barbecuey chewy layer in the middle. Everything comes together with the ranch at the end.

    Yes, it's exactly as ridiculously American as it sounds.

  7. Snath, that sounds fantastic! All it needs is bacon.

    An honest question: what the fuck is american cheese? Cheddar? And what the fuck is Processed American cheese? Velveeta? Kraft slices? Please to explain.

  8. Okay, So I worked at an Africentric day care center for a while, and Mrs. Stokes' cornbread was like Birthday cake. I mean, it was light and tall and fluffy, and the consistency was so fine that I would stick a candle in in and call it my honey. I also learned to make mac and cheese with a little Velveeta instead of strictly a french roux, and I'm proud to occasionally buy Velveeta now. It's a brick of glue, Doran. Delicious yellow food glue.

    She sifted all the ingredients, and she did put a little sugar in it. She would not put it in until the oven was exactly 350, and she took it out right on time. And the Baking powder had to be brand new.

  9. I do enjoy cooking a good dish. I enjoy watching the people I love enjoy said dish even more. I can't wait for the several cookie exchanges I take part in at Christmas. Christmas cookies and new cookie recipes? Win/win right there.

  10. oh man, food. could i possibly heart you anymore. can't wait to see the recipe! i've got some pretty good icing recipes, and my chocolate chip cookies are killer.

    i'm a bit more of a baker than a cook, to be honest.

  11. Well ... I am busily preparing my own birthday dinner. Before anyone boos and hisses ... we opted to not afford a meal out and if I want a meal I am going to enjoy ... well I really need to be the one to make it.

    We are having my hommade lasagna, with salad and freshly baked "bum" rolls... and some blizzard cake for dessert ... mmmmm. I just gain a few typing that.

    I also made potato bacon soup. So it smells killer in here today.

    Can't wait for the recipes ... and I agree with Lizzie ... is it possible to heart you any more???

  12. Oh my god Dani, I love lasagna and potatoe bacon soup and ice cream cake! Are you me?

  13. Kraft singles or the like, Doran. Don't you just love us Americans and our shitty processed foods?